My Newest Lover and Teacher-Me
Two years ago today I was waking up in Africa. I had 2 more days in Africa and then I would have completed one of the most profound experiences of my life. I met many lovers and teachers in the form of animals and land. And there were losses while I was there as well. My brother died while I was there and I was waking up today knowing I would not go home but I would travel to be with my family to honor his life. Thomas died on Dean’s 52nd birthday. Another loss in my life but many years before. There was something oddly perfect that Thomas died on Dean’s birthday. I envision that Dean was there to welcome him home. As I’m sure my parents were too. And many other beloveds as well. Death is just another gate into a different phase of our soul. As we say goodbye there are those on the other side of that gate welcoming them home. Africa was amazing and hard and in fact, there were moments that I wondered if I had gone there to die. One particular moment that was physically and emotionally hard comes to mind.
I asked the Shaman that we were working with if I was in fact dying. His response was, “Perhaps you are dying in a way you hadn’t considered before”. I’ll be honest my eyes rolled up and I thought “what the hell is he talking about”. And now I understand more what he meant. Parts of me were dying there. The parts that were blocking growth. I realize now that I began the process of letting parts of myself and my story die long before going to Africa. Africa helped me realize that those dying parts that were no longer serving my living a full life.
The year following my trip I felt as though I went into hibernation. It was as though the seeds that were planted in me in the deserts of Zimbabwe and South Africa could grow and flourish. This second year those seeds have grown in me and continue to change me in ways that are painful and so beautiful as well. And I’m discovering in the time since the most profound and important lover and teacher I met in Africa was me.
The quote, “We are the ones we have been waiting for”, has been said by many. Barach Obama was one of them. And many have said the Hopi leaders first said the quote. And more recently I read that the actual person that first said it was the poet June Jordan who wrote, ‘We are the ones we have been waiting for.’ in her “Poem for South African Women” which she wrote in 1978. And who knows if she heard it from someone else.
Somehow for me, that feels the most perfect given that I rediscovered a part of myself with the elephants of Zimbabwe and the white lions of South Africa.
Ultimately it doesn’t matter who said it first it continues to ring as true every time it is said.
Africa allowed me to feel the fullness and beauty of every life and death. But the most important life and death it allowed me to honor and feel fully was my own.
“We are the ones we have been waiting for”
Hopi Elders Prophecy, June 8, 2000